Why Love is More Important Than Hatred

John Compaglia
11/5/08

Why Love is More Important than Hatred

Love is far more important then hate. I know this has been said many times. John Lennon has said it, Jesus has said it, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Theresa have said it. I hope it is not too trite to say it again. Actually, I think that this simple sentence is not trite at all if it is understood in its deepest sense. Hate is easy, especially in our culture. In American culture so much of life is directed towards “me” and the “I.” We are taught to be self-sufficient, to do things for ourselves. There is a very high value placed on “me” doing things to “my” advantage so “I” can get ahead. In a certain sense, if a man wants to attract a woman he as to conform to this line of thinking because in our society, what kind of “reasonable” woman would want a man who is not rich, ambitious, and self-motivated? I am not saying that this is how all men are or how all women think, but I am saying that these tendencies are woven very deep into the structure of the American capitalist psyche[1]. Furthermore, I am not condemning wealth and ambition outright. I am simply trying to draw attention to the possible negative side effects of these qualities which include a lack of care and concern for others and the ability to relate to people and life on any level besides economic.

With all this in mind, the reason I say that to hate is easier than to love is because when everyone is out for themselves, there is no cooperation, communication, love, or friendship in the world. Therefore, in a very real sense, other people simply get in the way of me getting what I want. This is so because other people are in search of power, wealth, fame, and recognition just as much as I am and inevitably their search for power and the like will cross paths with mine and obstruct me in the acquisition of my goals. If someone is stopping me from getting what I want, what would be the natural response in terms of the mentality I have been describing? Hate. We will hate, despise, dislike, and all the other similar adjectives that people who get in our way and prevent us from getting what we want inspire.

To begin to approach love we have to begin to approach the other. The other for the hateful person is a means to accomplish their desires or perhaps a partner in accomplishing their desires as long as the other doesn’t try to get in the way or take more than his or her share. This is not the case with love. With love the other can no longer be seen as an object but rather must be seen as a subject. If we can see the other as a subject we can come to the realization that in a fundamental way the other is like me, in fact, in a certain sense the other is me as far as we are part of a collective humanity that longs for many of the same things, such as love, comfort, a place to belong, peace of mind, and financial security. The prerequisite to being able to recognize the humanity and subjectivity of the other is predicated on our ability, as individuals, to realize our own humanity, (i.e. our own weakness, desires, longings, passions, and frailties).

Once we have realized deeply what it means to be human, namely the qualities I just mentioned, we can begin to open our imaginations to the possibility that others experience these same or similar longings and desires. Since each of us hopes that our deepest desires and longings will be fulfilled, and we realize the sadness that comes along with living in a life where often these longings and desires are not fulfilled, we begin to hope that all human beings have their desires and longings fulfilled in some sort of meaningful way. This is so because we know that others suffer just like we do and in turn, since we want our suffering to be alleviated, we will want others to be happy just like we want to be happy. This is what empathy means, to feel with another, to wish the same good we wish for ourselves for another.[2] With the dawning of this realization comes a feeling of compassion for others because we understand the sorrow, suffering, and disappointment that comes along with living in this life, in this world, and on this planet. We feel this compassion for others because we have felt the same sorrow and sadness in ourselves. Therefore we know that others must feel this same or similar sadness in themselves as we do in ourselves

The man focused on hate will never come to these realizations, and furthermore, because of his outlook on life he will perpetuate his own suffering by constantly interacting with other hate-filled people who he is in continuous competition with as they both pursue their faulty ideals of happiness, satisfaction, and contentment. On the other hand, the loving person seeks to help and care for others because she realizes that all people are in the same predicament, to one degree of intensity or another, as she is. In fact, the compassionate person cannot conceive of simply searching for their own happiness because they realize that the individual search for contentment is inherently selfish, and that true contentment, because psychologically we are the world, is a collective experience. Therefore, when others are happy I can be happy as well because together we are learning ways to alleviate our sorrow and suffering together. In this type of world, where love and happiness is more common than hate and sorrow, even if one is feeling down, he or she can see people all around that are more are less happy and content. By virtue of the fact that the weight of sorrow in the world is not crushing everyone, there is more of a chance that our individual sadness will not seem quite so large and will not be further exaggerated by the immense sorrow, suffering, hatred, anger, and confusion going on in the world around us.

It is not a selfish instinct, at least not ultimately, which causes the loving person to search for happiness-with-others. The loving person understands that on the most fundamental level, the level of our common humanity, a level which lies deep beneath the particularities and superficialities of our individual egos, we are all basically searching for the same things, albeit we go about this search in very different ways. This realization does not negate the individuality of individuals; it simply recognizes the interconnected nature of human beings living on this planet, in this atmosphere. A simple realization arises that in terms of individual and global well being and happiness, their can be no selfish search for answers, for the selfish attitude creates tension and friction between individuals which in turn engenders sorrow, suffering, and hatred.

To go back to the title of this essay, “Why Love is More important than Hatred,” we see that the answer is that for individual and collective happiness to take place in our lives we need to cultivate the virtues of love, patience, compassion, empathy, and understanding rather then greed, anger, ill will, selfishness, hatred, and violence. Admittedly, this is not an easy task. For people living in America to cultivate these qualities of love, kindness, and compassion will mean that we will have to go against our societal, cultural, and unfortunately often familial conditioning which tells us to, at all costs, get ahead and take what we can without regard for the well being of others. This is not a sustainable way to live and yet many of us keep on living this way. Its time to wake up and realize that a smile on the face of our neighbor is worth more than any Mercedes-Benz or corporate take over will ever be worth, at least in terms of human economy.

[1] I refer specially to our “American psyches” and “American experience” in general throughout this essay because as a person who has grown up in America, American culture and ideologies, or at least a certain version of American experience and ideology, is what I am mot intimately familiar with.

[2] Of course this line of logic can be tricky in the everyday world because often we are so convinced that what we consider to be right and true and good is or “should be” what others consider to be right and true and good. The answer to this possible dilemma seems to be to always keep in mind that each person is unique and therefore what the specifics of what happiness means to one person might not be the same as what happiness means to another. When working with other I suggest that we should always inquire into what their conception of the good and true are so we can better understand and be-with one another.